Left Behind. A military wife shares the heartache–and the honor–of being married to a soldier.

It was a typical Saturday night, when single young girls everywhere gather together at karaoke hangouts to let loose after a long, arduous work week. Unlike many of her party-lovin’ peers, 24-year-old Katie Martin* was not particularly “on the prowl” … she just enjoyed belting out a good tune. That was until she happened to glance over at the “tall drink of water” with broad shoulders and a wink in his eye. It was a furtive glance that caused her to remark to her friend: “Wow … he’s cute!”

So cute that two and a half years later, Katie and Cody Larson* were hitched. Unfortunately, just one day after they tied the knot, her husband booked it to Baghdad—more accurately, he headed for pre-Baghdad training. It was his second deployment. 

 Since then, like most military wives, Katie has struggled with depression, loneliness and a host of other emotions that test her resolve to “remain strong” for her husband. In that regard, she fares better than most. Partly because she always knew she’d marry a military man. But also because she was raised in a family—and a state (Nebraska)—that understands the concept of sacrifice, something that many of her peers have had little training in.

Not to be left out of the equation, however, is Katie’s strong faith in God.
      “Don’t get me wrong, even with my faith, it sucks to be alone. I knew it was going to be hard, but I’m not sure it makes it any easier. However, I didn’t sign up for just the uniform, the six-pack physique and the military banquets. I’m in this for life. Besides, it’s only one year out of that life. And considering what he and all the other men and women in uniform are doing for us, I think I’m capable of making that sacrifice.”

      Fortunately, Katie is more stalwart than many young girls who apply more of a “when the going gets tough, the weak get going ... out the door” philosophy to hardship. Falling more in love with the idea of being married to a man in uniform rather than the reality of what it means to be separated for months at a time, many of them seek solace elsewhere. This unfortunate reality contributes to the fear that many soldiers face when considering marriage before deployment. “Will she be faithful?” a “battle buddy” (a term used within the ranks) might ask himself. “After all, look what happened to so-and-so. His wife ran off with their son’s soccer coach, or worse … his best friend.” (The same fear applies to female soldiers as well.)

      I have to say, it’s hard for me to imagine any wife being that selfish. I mean, here you have a guy who’s out there in the trenches, the dirt, the dust, the deprivation––not to mention being shot at as a way of life––and the “little woman” back home can’t stay faithful because “her needs” are not being met. Like his are. Right. (Maybe it’s time to turn off Desperate Housewives or whatever else is making young wives feel needy and neglected.)


     Selfishness doesn’t always manifest itself as a marriage-destroying affair. Katie maintains that to be a “good” soldier’s wife, you have to be willing to die to other things besides the lack of companionship and physical intimacy. One of those things is the right to indulge in negative emotions.

      “I can’t afford to let depression get the better of me, because to do so would invite pity from friends, family and even strangers. This would be dishonoring to my husband and what he’s doing for us over here. So you have to learn that when you feel ‘sucky,’ well, that’s when you just have to ‘suck it up.’ Because whatever I’m going through, it’s ten times as bad for him. So, yes, sometimes that means I smile when I may not feel like it, or refrain from telling my husband about something bad that happened that day so that he won’t get distracted and get killed because he wasn’t focusing 100%.”


      Katie has also taken active steps to combat that sense of loneliness and isolation by seeking out the company of other military wives (admittedly much harder to do for her since she doesn’t live on a military base). She’s even gone several steps beyond that by finding a mentor––also a military wife––as well as forming a group for wives of deployed servicemen at her church.

     Of course, there’s always her cell phone––a device commonly regarded by military wives as a “third appendage” because they simply never know when their far-away husbands might call.

Far from feeling sorry for herself, Katie understands that just like her husband, she’s also engaged in a battle––the “good fight of faith,” as she terms it. Like her husband, she believes that her fight—while of a different nature—is made much easier because of the “prize that is set before her.” 

“No doubt, we are a special breed. We may not get a medal to pin on a uniform, but I think we wear a badge of courage nonetheless. And for those of us who have made the choice to remain true while our husbands are out there risking their lives, including our choice to stay happy and positive, then when our heroes return home, it will be an honor to say we both made it. I can’t wait for that!”
*Last name changed to protect identity

Posted by:  Jenni Keast

Read:  Katie’s Military Wife Survival Guide:  7 Things You Simply Must Do to Keep Your Soldier–and Yourself–Happy.