"The truth? You Can't Handle the Truth": Why Soldiers Won't Talk About What They've Seen

"The truth? You Can't Handle the Truth." - from A Few Good Men

"A Marine asking for help is pretty rare. Being willing to get help...that's almost admitting that you're failing, that you can't do it by yourself–that you need somebody else to help you." - Cpl. Dan Gay, U.S. Marine Corps

    Wounded warriors.  There are a lot of them–certainly more than the V.A. can handle.  Yet even if all the resources in the world were available to help soldiers suffering from PTSD, chances are good that many–if not most–of them would still go untreated.  The question is, why?

       Simply put, it's because most returning soldiers make very few deliberate attempts at seeking help–even from, or more accurately, especially from–those they love. If they reach out at all, it's through unconscious ways––like suicide victim Jeff Lucey did with this mother when he asked her to listen to the lyrics of a song that he believed expressed the acute pain he felt, but could never seem to share. Once again, the question I had was, why? (Read Jeff's story.)

6 Reasons Why a Soldier Doesn't Talk

I've listened to a lot of the experts, and this is what they tell us–indeed the soldiers themselves will tell you if you press them (I've talked to a few)–about why they won't talk to family, friends or mental health professionals:

1.    They feel their family couldn't–or wouldn't–believe or understand the things they saw and did.

2.    Even if their families did believe them, they wouldn't be able to handle the truth. This would cause further emotional problems for the returning solider because he'd feel judged and/or alienated.

3.    They're afraid of reliving the memories of their war experiences by having to share things openly they can barely think about privately.

4.    They feel stigmatized by society, feeling many people blame them for "killing." (See blog entry: Study Shows that Soldiers Who Get Blamed for Killing Suffer More from PTSD.)

5.    They feel like they're in a dual role of being both victim and perpetrator. 

6.    If they sought professional help they'd be admitting to "cowardice" or even worse–face possible dismissal from the service if the military ever found out they were emotionally and/or mentally unstable.   

     "At first you get the hugs and love it; that is, until you go to sleep and start thinking about everything that happened.  Then you wake up the next day and wonder why you're there and want to go back to military life where it's familiar...and where you have a purpose.  Eric, Iraq veteran 

     Yet by refusing, or being unable to share their considerable angst, soldiers ultimately suffer even more.   It happens almost like clockwork.  After an initial "honeymoon" phase where an at-risk solider is reunited happily with his family and friends the nightmares begin. And the sweating. The pressure in the chest. The racing heart.  Worse, the anger begins to surface and the solider becomes afraid even of himself. 

"I'd rather be numb than scared, you know?" - Jacob Martin

     What–or who–can stop the madness?  Without God and His ability to heal and deliver, it's usually only drugs, alcohol and whatever numbing agent of choice that can "do the trick."  And make no mistake–it is a "trick" because they (the addictive substances) fool you into thinking you're coping with life. Of course, you are.  But "coping" is not exactly the standard which mothers and fathers hope their children will aspire to.

    Speaking of coping, different wars, it seems, produced different methods for dealing with death and other war-related emotional traumas. Back in the day–and by that I  mean World War II and all the wars before it–when Johnny came marching home  alcohol was freely consumed in order to help drown out the horrific memories of war.  Far from being concerned that their sons would become taken over by "the drink," more than a few fathers were known to actually encourage theirs sons to imbibe in order to help them "forget all those bad memories" as one World War II veteran recalled his father telling him.

     It's not likely that a father today would be handing out shots of whiskey, or reefers, or  needles just so his son or daughter could numb the pain of war. If he did, he'd be the scourge of society.

"To survive war is not a relief, it is a sentence of grief, guilt, pain and shame from killing and surviving." 

    So, the question remains.  When exactly does a friend or family member intervene to help a solider when he or she is suffering signs of PTSD?  Jim Dooley, a counselor at a VA hospital, has a few answers to that dilemma. You can read his advice in tomorrow's post!

Blogged by: jenni keast